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ANGRY JAYZERBEAM!!!!! [entries|friends|calendar]

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[29 Apr 2007|09:50pm]
Im fiending for a new sportscar, the oldsmobile isnt realy my style. but i have been driving to the beach with my friend Rolly, and he brings his big black lab spotty whos super cool. we ran into Anne, who i know through Silvi, and we talked to some other cool girls aswell.

Im Rollys "broham" = little brother. he is cool and very friendly and sharing. and we can always talk about our "jizin" adventures together, for those people who know what i mean. hes good lookin too so we can go girlhunting together. the only down side is he does too much blow and gets in fights all the time. today he almost shitkicked sombody at a gas station. fun to watch! the guy was a weasel though i could tell from looking at him.

this summer is gonna be so fantastic.

FREE CARS FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!! [07 Apr 2007|09:28pm]
I got a newer better job selling cadillacs, and they gave me a company car!

its a 1993 Oldsmobile! im getting old, so i figure i should drive somthing fogieish. instead of the red rocket, where all the COOL TEENZ would give me props, im finding old balding men giving me props on the car. like I REMEMBER THE DAYS WHEN THEY MADE OLDSMOBILES, THEY DROVE A MILLION MILES TO THE GALLON, AND YOU COULD ROAST TURNIPS ON THE HOOD!!! its pretty great.

Met a supremely hot cheerleader girl, i did her in her hot cheerleading outfit with pom poms and everything! anyways, the cheerleader girl fucked the living hell out of me three days straight and then left me. i met a friend named Rolly, whos a lot like me. hes the same way with girls. hes always looking for love but instead hes always the "guy on the side" who they go to for humping reasons. im not sure why me and Rolly are like that.

Anyways, somone should buy a car from me. im very professional, hence my name professor jei. if you want to buy somthing, come to me. ill give you a good deal.


borrrriiinnnggg [19 Mar 2007|08:50pm]
I sold a bright yellow, H3 Hummer truck to this very interesting hindu dude who showed me a bunch of magical card tricks. im not sure if he was trying to distract me from the negotiation to get a better price, or what. but it was neat, i made like a G, so im pretty happy. Im saving up to get a new rocket car, hopefully i wont smash this one into a tree.

Im pretty discouraged in the girl department. I never see anyone under the age of 45 in my neighborhood. its full of fuckin fogies. and i have been shy lately at the clubs, i dont know why. maybe its cuz every time i try to dance with a girl, theyre giant boyfriend comes and knocks me out. hmmm...yeah thats probably why. im sure on some subconcous level im trying not to get killed. i got some new clubbybuddies who are pretty good fighters though.

i realy, realy want a 300zx turbo. and i realy wanna get road-head again!!! driving while getting a blowjob rocks. when i get a new rocket car then it will be all okay!

i hope people are going to organix on friday.
1 puddle of jesus jizz|I BELIEVE!!!

[03 Mar 2007|05:05pm]
i went to the cellar and my buddies from the sunshine coast came up and it was realy fun, i was bumping and grinding with some serious hotties and mr. yogurt slinger was very happy about it. unfortunatly, after dancing with somones girlfriend, i got keyed, yknow punched in the face with a key in the knuckles. it diddnt hurt cuz i was tanked, but man did i bleed. theres blood all over my basement suite door, it looks like hell. the dude was about 8 feet tall and his neck was as big as my whole body. what a fuckin pussy. how do you hit a guy thats half your size?!?! GRRR!!! anyways, i think i like organix the best.

professorjei signing off.

[01 Mar 2007|09:10pm]
so i got kicked out of organix last time...basicaly this chick told me she had no boyfriend, and i was talkin to her, and then her boyfriend (who she said was her friend) got up in my face when i was tryin to chill with silvi. i was pretty close to knocking the fuckn punk out, but some randoms got me away from him and bought me a drink, so it was cool. of course, later i started making fun of him and stuff, or whatever, and tiny kicked me out. anyways if anyone from the club gets this thanks for tryin to help me get back in. i talked with tiny and were cool, so i will probly go this weekend. that or go to Atlantis just to find some japanese girls, hopefully ones that dont understand the dirty things i say!

IM GOING CRAZY [19 Jan 2007|01:25pm]
Except for walking to the grocery store every couple of weeks, and going to organix on fridays, i have not left my downstairs for over 3 months. i am hybernating until there is a reason to live, aka summer time. until i see even a little bit of the sun, i am going on strike against jesus. TAKE THAT, JESUS!! WHO CONTROLS THE WEATHER NOW!?!?! YAH! YOU LIKE THAT, DONT YOU? YOU DIRTY LITTLE SLUT! YAAAHHHHH!!!!

in other Professor Jei news, my lack of sunlight and social activity has made me CRAZY!!!!!! i made a hobo team and a pirate team out of legos, and i ate a bowl of raw cookie-doh. Unlike you losers, i *HAVE* a life. jerks.

[16 Jan 2007|02:59pm]

i was showing my dad the ties i have for being a carsalesman, and my dad liked the cheezy elephant tie that ianbob gave me. he actualy suggested i wear it, so i think that i will.

my room is completely fudged up, lego is everywhere, and im bringing down two more buckets from upstairs. some of the new skool-lego even glows when i turn my blacklight on! im making a game with 3 teams:

1: Super Hobo Team
2: Knights in Shining Armour and
3. Time Travelers

the only problem is, the hobos have knives, the knights have swords, but the time travelers have bombs and lazer cannons. i might have to even out the battlefield with some dinosaurs or somthing. I used some of James creations too, they are the heads, legs, and bodies of old action figures all randomly glued together to make monsters.

i met a very cool girl who is taking a lego-robot building course, who works at a special FX studio and who makes pretend bottles to smash people over the head with. she told me she likes to eat the fake plastic snow from the fake snow-machine. she is so very very cute. i hope that i have a chance with her, but i think she is in the league of super-ultra-girl, which is far above the status of regular jayzerbeam boy.

i hear that there is a techno party at cuppa joes saturday?!?! whaaa?!?!?!
4 puddles of jesus jizz|I BELIEVE!!!

Home of the worlds best elephants. [01 Jan 2007|11:01pm]
i havent been here in a very long time!!!
but its raining, the girlies are hybernating, and even if they werent im screwed because im living in my parents basement without a car. thats cuz i wrapped the red rocket around a giant oak tree. by the way, if anyone wants to buy a sterio, a racing wheel, or some sweet neon lights, let me know! everything else has been destroyed. im still alive though, with only minor brain damage, and my dick works better than ever!

anyways, im not able to get a loan for a new rocketship until i stop "driving like a chinaman on prozac" as i am told. in the mean time, im just chillin out, maxin, relaxin all cool and just shootin some b ball outside by the pool. when a couple of Ian Bobs, they were up to no good, started gettin jizzy in the neighborhood.

im hyped about Aemils photo/coffeehouse gathering on the 6th. i hope everyone cums.

professor jei
po box 6364395
elephant road
home of the worlds best elephants
3 puddles of jesus jizz|I BELIEVE!!!

[14 Feb 2006|03:37pm]

i dont talk to any of you people very much anymore. if anyone wants to chill or talk just call my cell. #778-235-9223

thank you for all of your enlightening crapola, im done with the g33k box.

Props, and all the best!!!
2 puddles of jesus jizz|I BELIEVE!!!

[08 Feb 2006|05:36pm]
i came THIS close to knocking a girl up, it was freaky as hell. my kid would be a retaded dinosaur being and would have to wear a helmet. its realy cool i dont have to deal with that crap. wear your fuckin condoms people. my buddy got a tattoo of a scorpion that i drew (he is a scorpio) and it even has my initials on it, its awsome. i got the idea when me, him, and this dude Kyd were ripped on E drawing blacklight art on eachothers backs. i comp-letely trashed my room that night. im feelin the E sooo much, i wish it wasnt so killer. no more bleach on the brain for a while. i had a dream i owned a realy slick boat. maybe instead of moving into a joint i could live on a realy shwanky boat, and go on adventures on the high seas and make the fuckers walk the plank.

[23 Jan 2006|10:56pm]
Im painting my room army green tomorrow and covering it with camo-tape. then, my new plastic dinosaur toys will be poised fiercly on the mantlepiece, ready to attack, flanked by an army of lego men, racecars, and lava lamps to guide the way through the jungley jungle that is my room. by night, everything will light up blacklight style, bright orange and green graffiti reading 'jayzerbeam the supreme jizzy machine' then the music will BLAST! the hotties cloths off with the power of a thousand lightning bolts of sound detonation!!!

[19 Jan 2006|01:05am]
i have too much to do cuz i stayed up all night humping but now i gotta throw a surprise party, meet with mikethechef for a dinosaur/lego battle and get krunk junked, and i wanna chizzle with a secretagent polarbear girl. and i might be able to pull all the stuff in one day with the help of the redrocket. i got it up to 220 kph today and felt my brain mush up against the back of my skull!!!

NEED MORE POWER!!!!!!!! poweeerrrrr
5 puddles of jesus jizz|I BELIEVE!!!

[15 Jan 2006|05:06pm]
coffeeshop girl 5 blocks from my house!!! i am going to go there every day on my way back from gym and talk to her. WOWIE MAUI!!!!!

she looks kinda like lily but older, daaaammmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn


[15 Jan 2006|02:59pm]
after about 3 weeks my car is almost done and painted all nice and shiny red, they rebuilt the front end it looks hot. there was this kid probly 10 or somthin and he was all hyped up about my car. i remembered back when i was that age and had all the posters of sportscars in my room and couldnt wait to drive n'stuff. i was showin him the subs and all the mods and it was great.

he was disappointed i diddnt have a nitrous boost system or a turbocharger. i think he may have a point there...yes definetly a good point.


im chillin with this girl Elektra lately, shes this hippie chick who lives near to me.i never met a hottie that wasnt a bitch, so most likely its a scam but whatever

my angers getting better, i feel smashy smashy but not stabby stabby anymore
im going to go see some shrink but im told they have to talk to you and crap before they give you drugs. not realy looking forward to that, i hate shrinks.
2 puddles of jesus jizz|I BELIEVE!!!

[08 Jan 2006|04:32pm]
I went to Chilliwack, it was chilly and wack. met a nice girl there, and on the way back there was this other hot one but she wasnt going on my bus so i was disappointed...instead i travelled with a scorpion gangster, who basicaly said he owned all of chilliwack. i kinda doubt it. but he was still hardcore. he had all these rings and shit and scorpions everywhere and endorsments from the hells angels. he was talking to this other bigger gangster and it was wierd, i kinda felt like i fit in. then last night i did acid at silvis house, not bad. i dig mike the inventor, gidget or gadget or whatever. i like bein snuggly with silvi once in a while too. now im chillin wondering what the next adventure is.

[03 Jan 2006|10:01pm]
i have knights, pirates, spacemen, tribal dudes, they are all lego men. but my lego dinosaurs are all blocky and stupid looking. now all i need is to go to a dollar store to find some toy dinosaurs for them to battle. im excited about the project, its one of the great undertakings of my amazingly dorky lifestyle.

i also found some cool dinosaur pictures on the net, with an old granny doing the 'home alone' face, while in the background dinosaurs are destroying the leaning tower of piza. then theres another one where conan the barbarian is being fed to some hungry ptradactals.

dinosaurs rock.

[01 Jan 2006|03:45pm]
well i was gonna go to robbies party, i wanted to go to a few different parties but i got it jazzin' with this girl and it was like 3, 2, 1...SKEET SKEET SKEET!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! so then i got drunk but i wanted to go home and eat food first and then it was too late to go to robbies n'stuff. and im meeting a NOTHER blondy on wednesday. My goal is to have 3 blondies at the same time, then i can truly earn the name of jizzyjayzerbeam, and maybe i can get a trophy or somthing!!! ROAR!!!!!!!!


[30 Dec 2005|05:49pm]
i bought a new wifebeater shirt, so now i can beat my wife!

i saw my old x girlfriends momma at the gym
appartently Lia works as a barber near me, thats kind of cool. maybe i will bump into her one day

in the mean time i have found a blondy over the g33kbox who is not only hot, but digs lego and dinosaur comics
as you can imagine, im kind of excited, and hope she is not secretly an 85 year old transvesitite

shit i dont know what to do for newyears
if anyones doing anything jizin' let me know
1 puddle of jesus jizz|I BELIEVE!!!

[29 Dec 2005|07:06pm]
getting drunk watching boobs
everyone hoots and cheers and i sit there bored, wondering why im not excited about the jiggling. maybe its cuz im too sophisticated for that kind of thing, or maybe its because i have been going there for so many nights in a row and theres only so much jiggling a human being can handle. probably the second one. anyways, i had enough jiggling. so i get drunk enough, and the blinky lights around the stage start to look realy nice. so im going to the club tonight to look at some more nice blinky lights.

i wish my car wasnt crashed
i wish everybody diddnt hate me
i wish i wasnt a stupid jerk
and that everybody else wasnt stupid jerks

i liked marina and her homo-robotic friend
should have chilled longer and met other nice robogirls
5 puddles of jesus jizz|I BELIEVE!!!

[24 Dec 2005|05:02pm]
i was playin with this gidget dudes intergalactic 3-dimensional steering wheel, and i thought i was steering the direction of the universe. mission accomplished

that acid was fucking crazy

i thought i wanted to smash ianbobslobs face, but then i diddnt, but i liked fighting heather,its fun cuz we both suck at insulting eachother. i invented a 5 hour space/action/dinosaur/movie in my head, it was awsome.

i hope my car isnt a writeoff...grrrrrrrrrrrr
1 puddle of jesus jizz|I BELIEVE!!!

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